Do you ever feel ike it’s just you against the world?
Yesterday was one of the toughest mental days I’ve had in a really long time. I felt completely alone, as if my guides had abandoned me. I was just out here in the real world, struggling like a fish out of water, not knowing what the heck I’m doing and why my reality is so messed up right now. I’ve put in so much effort and work, and I thought I should be at a point where things would flow effortlessly. Maybe that’s just my ego talking, but I was incredibly frustrated with my current life situation. I cried about five times and tried various anxiety-releasing techniques like EFT, which thankfully helped calm me down when I was overstimulated.
I can’t even count how many times I pleaded with my spirit guides yesterday, begging them to show me what the hell is going on in my life and why things are the way they are, despite all the work I’ve done. I genuinely feel like I shouldn’t be in this position, and this constant frustration has been weighing on me lately. I’ve been through a dark night of the soul for four years, and I thought I should be emerging from it by now. I’ve been feeling so exhausted, eagerly awaiting the new phase of my life that I’ve caught glimpses of but can’t seem to hold onto.
However, last night something significant happened. After a super intense crying session, I started receiving all these downloads that I couldn’t even keep up with. Lately, I’ve been seeing multiple signs related to the phoenix, and it has been happening consistently for the past few weeks. At first, I couldn’t understand why, apart from the fact that I’m a stellium Scorpio with 6 Scorpio placements in my birth chart. I thought it might be connected to the scorpion, eagle, and phoenix symbolism, representing different levels of consciousness for Scorpios. Sometimes I feel very much in tune with my phoenix energy, while other times I dip back into the eagle phase. It’s rare for me to be in scorpion energy nowadays because I’ve done a lot of inner work to move past it, though it still resurfaces occasionally. We all have ups and downs, and our lessons guide us through different phases.
Yesterday was undoubtedly a scorpion day—a day filled with frustration and discontent. Yet, as the night wore on, I transitioned into the eagle phase and finally reached the phoenix phase. I felt completely reborn during my meditation, envisioning myself dying and rising as a magnificent red fire phoenix.
In that moment, it hit me: my new spirit guide is the phoenix bird. She’s been trying to get in touch with me and show me that she’s here. Along with my existing animal guides—a 3-headed dragon and 2 pegasus beings—she bestowed upon me profound downloads explaining the persistent patterns in my life and their heightened prominence in my current location, despite my relentless efforts to rewire and release them. Turns out, it all goes back to a major aspect in my birth chart: Venus Square Neptune. Plus, having Venus in Virgo in the Scorpio house brings some major challenges when it comes to love and money.
As I delved deeper into these insights, signs and synchronicities kept pouring in—videos, serendipitous occurrences—directing me to accept where I am and understand how I’ve created this situation through that specific aspect in my chart. It became clear why I chose to move to a location I absolutely adore and never want to leave, despite Saturn’s energy. In astrocartography, I live directly on a positive Uranus line but also a negative Saturn line and my venus line is 1.5 hours away. Moreover, I have a strong aspect of Uranus sextile my ascendant sign, which perfectly aligns with my desire for freedom, uniqueness, and the rebellious energy of my rising sign, Aquarius. Living here has made my workaholic tendencies disappear completely, as I’ve been resisting my Saturn line and honestly terrified of it and constantly thinking I should run away to somewhere it can’t affect me. Saturn, often seen as a strict father figure, actually keeps me grounded, responsible, and ensures I’m on the right path. It provides balance to my even stronger Uranus energy, which fuels my desire for freedom. Three months ago, I stayed with my parents for the first time in eight years. It was rock bottom for me. Despite the extreme challenges, some major shifts happened with my dad during that time. It brought up all these deep-rooted, unconscious issues surrounding love and money that I had been blind to until now. Looking back, I can see that all the experiences I’ve been through, including that one, have been leading me to this very moment.
Another major realization – Living on my Saturn line is actually a positive thing in regards to my chart. I have so much freedom, and the strong Uranus energy makes this location a great fit for me. All these challenges and difficult aspects in my chart can now be used as opportunities to reclaim my power and transform my life, just like the phoenix rising from the ashes. None of these occurrences were random or accidental; they all held purpose. I had moved to this specific location for a reason, and now everything made perfect sense—the good, the bad, and the delicate balance between them—when I allowed them to flow without resistance. I feel incredibly grateful that my guides gave me this insight. The light at the end of the tunnel is getting brighter than ever.
Sometimes, when we endure incredibly tough days, they serve a purpose. The way my day unfolded was necessary for me to receive these profound insights, attain self-realization, and completely shift my perspective. Those breakthroughs would never have occurred had I not experienced the dreadful day I did.
So, I have indeed reached the end of this cycle, and I can see that now. I can now work with this energy and flow with it.
My point is, even when things seem to be going wrong and frustration takes hold for longer than you think you deserve, there is always a reason behind it. Sometimes, all it takes is seeking help from your spirit team, surrendering control, being open to receiving their messages, and piecing the puzzle together.
Continue seeking clarity, asking for signs, and maintaining trust in the support you receive, even when it feels elusive. Perhaps a new guide will also reveal themselves to you. 😉
